Today I will share with you the profound inner struggle that I faced when considering divorce, especially while considering the effect it would have on our children. I struggled with this decision due to the deep love for my children and a strong belief in the importance of family unity. I grappled with the conflicting thoughts of trying to endure tough times in marriage versus the potential benefits of divorce. I cannot stress enough the need for self-reflection, emphasizing that only you can know what's best for your family. Every situation is different and unique.
Something you may be wondering is, should I even consider divorce now or should I wait until the kids are a bit older? This is tough and this is only something that you can decide for yourself. Only you know what is best for your family and what is best for you.
When I was considering divorce, my boys were ages two, four, six and eight. And this was the most difficult decision that I've ever had to make. It was agonizing. I think it was agonizing because of the love that I had for my boys. I believed in family. I believed in getting married once and forever. I believed that there were tough times in any relationship. That marriage wasn't easy. In any relationship, you have to work through the bad times.
And then there was supposed to be lots of good times. And that was all just part of it. I have, and I had, a group of friends in which nobody was divorced. It wasn't something that I ever thought that I'd have to consider. And it was certainly something that I never thought that I'd have to go through. It was by far the most difficult transition of my life.
I want to share with you some of the things that I considered back then and some of the things that I thought about. I really took time to consider is the relationship between myself and their dad something that I wanted them to emulate, something that I wanted them to think was a good relationship.
Was I willing to sacrifice and fake it to maintain this family unit for my children? To pretend like our marriage was great for them?
These weren't just the things I thought about. I was thinking about what was the right thing to do. I was considering getting a divorce or not get a divorce. And either way, it was okay. Another thought I had was, what could I do to improve my relationship with their dad? What do I need to do?
I did a whole bunch of things. How long should I try to improve the relationship before I would consider divorce? I wondered, are my needs being met? Are my children's needs being met in this relationship? And when I thought about my needs, I felt guilty. And I thought, why am I so selfish? Why am I more important than our families sticking together?
This was very difficult and hard to grapple with and figure out. How could I even consider doing this to my boys? How could I take their little awesome life and turn it upside down? What was wrong with me? I thought all the time about, if I get a divorce, how is this going to affect my children?
Are they ever going to believe in marriage? Are they ever going to believe in true love and happily ever after? Are they going to be able to go through difficult times and still want to stay married? Or are they going to take my example from their point of view and just think divorce is okay, and consider it an easy solution during difficult times? I didn't want that for them.
How can I show them that sometimes relationships don't work out, but new relationships are formed? And those new relationships with each other can work out just fine. How can I let them know that our family is still a family? Mom loves them. Dad loves them. We'll always love them. We simply have a new family relationship, which is great.
How can I show them that we can make difficult choices in life for the right reasons, out of love? And that's okay.
I don't know whether divorce is right for you or not, but I do know that I can help you to think through a few things, open up some new perspectives, shed some new light in your life, and open you up to some new possibilities. I have years of experience working with clients going through these same decisions, and hope to teach you how to overcome this difficult transition.
Allow me to help you write the next awesome chapter of your journey.
And until next time here's to youfirst!
Wendy
xo