I help women transition through divorce with grace.
I was 28 years old and ready to celebrate the greatest day of my life. I was getting married and wanted to be a mom more than anything in the world. Over the next ten years I became a mom four times, to four beautiful boys.
At 38, I was transitioning through divorce.
I'm now 54 years old, I've been married to Dave, the love of my life for 12 years. Together we have six awesome boys, a little white dog named Max, and life is pretty darn good.
I believe one of the most valuable gifts we can give to ourselves is true self-acceptance.
True self-acceptance for who you are is accepting all the good, the bad, the uniqueness, the wonderfulness, the messy, the complicated, and the weirdness. Self-acceptance is one of the greatest gifts that you can give to yourself, but how do you accept yourself when you haven’t taken the time to think about who you are? It requires slowing down, taking the time to be with yourself. To tune into your inner self; I call this the ‘wise her’. Unfortunately, most people don’t take this time to be with themselves. Quietly. Alone. Reflecting. Listening.
I spent years reacting to what other people said, reacting to what other people needed. Reacting to my environment, reacting to the world, reacting to my requirements at work and at home. For years and years I reacted. I didn't give myself the time to see what ‘I’ needed. I didn't give myself the time to think about my thoughts, to think about and feel my emotions, to think about what I valued most, and to think about who I was and what I really wanted.
Then I read somewhere, or I heard somewhere, that REACT, spelled differently, is CREATE and the "e" in create is EVOLVE. So rather than reacting to everything that came my way, I decided to CREATE and EVOLVE. Divorce gave me the opportunity to create, evolve, and recreate myself and my life.
Transitioning through divorce is a challenge for most people, but through the transition can be growth and evolution if you choose to do the work. You can choose to create and recreate yourself. You can choose to be intentional through the process... To look at your behaviours, emotions, actions and see what part you have played in the life that you are living right now.
You can choose to be brutally honest with where you are at in your life and be open to change and possibility.
You can choose to realize that you are worthy of everything you have and everything that you dream of.
While doing the work with many coaches over the years I am constantly creating and recreating ‘Who I am’, ‘Why I do what I do’ and ‘How I can make small changes’ to create the life that I know I deserve to have.
Even though we were going through this very difficult time as a family, it was important to me to give my kids a life where they wanted to love, where they wanted to marry, where they want to grow, where they feel safe, and where they can talk to both myself and to their dad. Divorce is not a secret, it's not
a drama that that must scar you for the rest of your life.
I am continually working to be better than I was yesterday. I choose to work on myself first. I realized that I can create myself and my life. I can choose who I love. I can choose what I eat. I can choose how much I sleep. I can choose to love on my boys all of the time.
I can choose to have a good relationship with dad. I can choose to have a good relationship with my husband. I can choose to be a wonderful mom. I can choose to be a kind wife. I can choose to be a good friend. I can choose to do the work that I do happily. I can choose.
Divorce is a traumatic experience for sure. It's challenging for mom, it's challenging for dad, it's challenging for parents, it was challenging for me. It's challenging for the kids, It's challenging for grandma, it's challenging for your friends and it affects all areas of your life.
It can be a growing and thriving time in your life, but yes, you cannot do this on your own.
You need to have people in your life, community, a coach; a thinking partner. Because you only know what you know, you only think what you think. You need someone who can shine that light on you and be your champion and help you to bring up and bring out your best self because you may have forgotten where she is.
You are an amazing human being.
I want you to know that during this difficult time, it is possible to thrive and grow. And I want you to know that you are wonderful, just the way that you are.