Today. I wanted to talk about the long game in divorce. Divorce is a transition in your life that is exhausting, challenging, tiring, frustrating. Sad. Shameful. It's a whole bunch of things. And during this time, there's so many important decisions that need to be made. You need to think about what's best for your children, creating a parenting plan, your finances, how you're going to split things up.
Maybe you're not working right now. How are you going to make an income? Maybe you have to sell your home now. Where are you going to live? You're sad all the time. How are you going to start to feel happy again? Is that even possible? There's so much coming at you at once that it's easy to just start reacting to everything.
Something comes on to the table. You have to react. Your children come at you with a question that you're not expecting. React. Your lawyer sent you an email. React. Your husband or your wife sends you a text and needs a response. React.
This is a time when it's easy to get so overwhelmed with everything that you are just reacting to survive. I suggest that you step back even though you are thinking, Yeah, right. Step back? How can I step back? There's no time to step back.
I suggest that you step back, find a bit of time. Maybe it’s an hour driving by yourself? Maybe it’s only 2 hours sitting in the park. Try one day at an Airbnb on your own or half a day at a lake that's nearby. Step back. Give yourself some time to think about what is most important to you right now and what is most important to you over the next one year. And what is most important to you over the next ten years.
Understanding these important priorities is going to be crucial for allowing yourself to make the best decisions possible going forward through this process. Start to think about your future and how you envision that. Is it important that your children have a wonderful relationship with you and their dad? Is it important that you have a cozy little home that you call home with fluffy pillows and a comfy couch? And when your kids are with you, they just have fun?
Is it important to have fun in your life? Is it important to hang out with your friends? Is it important to have a lawyer that you connect with, someone who cares about you, someone who understands you, someone who has similar values to you? Who are the people that are important in your life right now? Who are the people that are not important in your life right now and that you might need to let go of for a time?
The only way that you can even think about these things is if you give yourself space and time away from all the chaos. Obviously, this is a conundrum. You're busy. You have to go to work. You have to take care of the kids. You have to do this. You have to do that.
Sometimes, it's a good idea to pause and take a step back. You should give yourself some space and time, just with your thoughts. This helps you to figure out what truly matters. When life gets crazy, it's common to listen to everyone else, and all that noise can be overwhelming.
In these moments, taking a break can be the best thing to do. Stepping away from the chaos for a while can give you the clarity you need. It's like finding a quiet corner in a busy room. Alone with your thoughts, you can understand what's important to you.
People often make choices based on what others say, but sometimes, what truly matters to you can get lost in all that chatter. So, find a moment of solitude, away from the noise. Reflect on what you want, what you value, and what makes you happy. It's your life, after all, and your happiness matters. Take some time for yourself, and you might discover that amidst all the voices, your own thoughts are the ones that matter the most.
Mom is saying this, dad is saying that, kids are saying this. Everybody has something to say and it's probably because they love you. And it could be because they're angry with you. Or it could be because they have questions. That's fine. But before you can handle all the chaos and before you're able to make best decisions for you and for your family going forward, you need to give yourself that time of solitude. You need it to figure out who you want to be during this process and how you envision your future and how you're going to walk this path one step at a time to get there and really know who you are.
Amidst the turmoil of divorce, carving out moments of solitude can be a lifeline. It's a chance to reflect, reset, and regain perspective. In that quiet space, you can sift through the chaos and discover your priorities for the year ahead. Solitude will help provide clarity about your future. It's a time for self-care, and recharging your spirit. By embracing solitude, you not only heal but also gain the strength to face the choices ahead with a calm mind and a clear heart.
We are all very different people. We all handle things differently. What works best for you and in the meantime, know that you're perfect, nor that you are loved and know that you are worthy. Until the next time we meet. Thank you for being here with me today.
And until next time here's to youfirst!
Wendy
xo