Welcome to episode thirteen of Divorce Thrive. My name is Wendy Rovers, I am your coach and thinking partner; I inspire moms to transition through divorce with grace, knowledge and confidence.
You have a high conflict partner? It’s time to build a new relationship with them…
Are you struggling right now with a high conflict partner? Are you considering divorce or transitioning through divorce with a high conflict partner?
You just received a long nasty email from them, its disturbing and it’s not true. You check your voicemail, the message is long and rude which makes you feel bad. You feel angry and hurt.
My suggestion is do not engage. I know this is easier said than done, but it is the right choice.
You receive an email and it goes something like this. “You…blah, blah, blah. Again you've…. blah, blah, blah. Why do you always….. blah, blah, blah. Billy has a dentist appointment tomorrow at two o’clock. Can you take him? And by the way, blah, blah, blah.”
Now you are really feeling sad, angry, disappointed and your first response is to lash out and let them have it.
STOP!
Give yourself that few seconds to think and calm down.
Your response:
"Hi (name), Thanks for the email. Sure, I can take Billy tomorrow at 2 o'clock. Have a good day!☺"
That's it! Don’t engage.
There is no point in engaging because it will only increase the conflict in your life and in your relationship. It will only increase the hard feelings and will not benefit you in any way. Focus on what is important to you. Focus on your future and act as your best self in the present.
Focus on who you are as your best self. Who do you want to be 10 minutes from now? 10 years from now, 30 years from now? How do you want your life to look? How do you want your children to feel about how you handled this difficult time? How do you want yourself to look back on your life?
Not all relationships work out the way we expect. You can teach your kids how to handle a relationship that doesn't work out as expected. You can show them, by example, day after day, year after year, how you were able to handle this transition with grace, knowledge and confidence. You can look back with pride and say; “You know what, I did the best that I could do. Yeah I messed up a few times, but overall, I did not engage and react in negative and harmful ways. I did try to act and speak and be my best self.”
Are you feeling sad, ashamed, guilty, angry? Worried about the wellbeing of your children, worried about how you are going to handle this transition on your own?
You are not alone. You can hire the right people to help you. You can learn and grow and find all of the right information and people to work with. Then you will be equipped and able to make informed decisions that you know are best for you and your family.
Keep in mind 10, 20, maybe 30 years from now, your children are going to get married. Their other parent will be at the wedding. How do you want that to feel? How do you want that to look? Do you want your kids to have to worry about the tension in the room because of you and the relationship that you have with their other parent?
Slowly, one day at a time, you can take what seems to be a terrible relationship, and an impossible situation, and you can turn it into a new relationship filled with possibilities. You can maybe even have a great relationship with your children’s other parent.
You can do your part. And then see what happens.
What can you do right now to step into your power, gain confidence, and do what you know is best for you and your family?
Thanks for being here today, I hope to inspire you and to let you know that you are not alone. Also to remind you that you are enough!
Cheers to you first!
Love, Wendy ♥
Ps. If you are considering divorce or if you are ready to transition through divorce with grace, knowledge and confidence then schedule a call with me to apply for a spot as a private client.