Welcome to episode 5 of Divorce Thrive I am Wendy Rovers, Your coach and thinking partner. I help moms transition through divorce with grace.
Certainty is one of our basic human needs. Divorce shakes your world upside down and inside out leaving us feeling very uncertain about everything and everyone. Your security within your marriage and your life, as you know it, has vanished.
Right now it may seem impossible to think that you will ever be certain about anything ever again. However, you can be. You can choose to meet your need for certainty in a way that is healthy, neutral, or negative. We need certainty in our lives to be comforted, to avoid pain and gain pleasure. But the more uncertainty you can learn to handle, the more alive you can be and the more you can move forward to try new things.
When you are transitioning through divorce there are many many uncertainties.
"How can I afford to do this on my own? Where will I live? How can I tell the kids? Will I ruin my kids lives? How can I work and handle all of this? I haven’t worked in years – who will hire me now? I don’t understand what the lawyer is saying? How much money do I need to live? Will my kids be OK? Do I get to stay in the house? What will my friends say? Do I have to move my kids to a new school?"
So how are you going to choose to be? Active, Neutral, or Negative?
Some things to consider here;
What do you do now to get the feelings of certainty that you need?
What do you do with your physiology – eat, breathe, sleep, the way you stand? How much do you exercise?
What do you do with your focus in order to feel certain? Do you have a meditative practice, are you journaling, going for walks, listening to great music….
Do you have an empowering belief?
Do you focus on your future or your past?
What language patterns do you use?
Are there phrases you use regularly?
Have you thought about your thoughts and what you are saying to yourself all day long?
What are you saying out loud to other people?
The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.
To recognize what you are doing right now and to take action to make small changes that will have a huge impact on your future self and your family. You are the expert in your life and only you know what is best for you and for your family.
Thanks for being here today. I hope to inspire you and to let you know that you are not alone. Also to remind you that you are enough!