You may be wondering why me? How can this be happening to me? What am I going to do? I can't do this on my own. Why me? We don't get married to the love of our life. Planning a future together. Hopes and dreams and fun times and family. And ever expecting to be in this spot that you are in right now. Today I want to walk you through 4 simple steps to help you get to that best version of yourself and encourage you through this difficult divorce journey.
Shift from "Why Me?" to "Who Am I Going to Be?” The problem with “Why me?”, is you're going to have those feelings. It’s natural to have those thoughts. You can feel that for a while. But the longer you sit in that “Why me?”, it's no longer useful to you. The more useful question to be asking yourself right now is. who am I going to be during this transition in my life? Okay, this is my reality. This is what's happening. Divorce is on the table.
My life is all shook up. Never expected this in a million years. But the more useful question to ask yourself right now is who am I going to be during this transition in my life? Who do I want to be as an example to my children? Who do I want to be for myself? So that ten years from now I can look back and I can say, “All right, I did the best that I could. Pretty proud of that. Handled that well. “
Embracing the shift from "Why Me?" to "Who Am I Going to Be?" is crucial. While it's normal to have those initial feelings of bewilderment, dwelling on them won't serve your progress. Instead, focus on accepting your reality and the impending divorce. Take a moment to reflect on the person you want to become through this transition. Consider the example you wish to set for your children and the strength you want to cultivate within yourself. This mindset will pave the way for you to look back in a decade, acknowledging that you faced this challenge with resilience and gave it your all. You're on the right path. Keep moving forward!
Start Taking Ownership of Your Life. This is not an easy time. Saying "Why me?", crying, grabbing the wine, binging on Netflix. Screaming, yelling, complaining, making excuses. I've done that. That's normal. But the sooner you can step out of that, you can begin to create a new life. You can have new hopes, new dreams. There's all kinds of possibilities and fun times just waiting for you out there.
And I know that's hard to imagine right now. If you're asking yourself, "Why me?" "Why now?" How could this be happening? How could you do this? How could you love someone else? How could you just pick up and leave? How come this isn't working out? How come it started off so well and now it's just so awful?
You're sitting there, you're having these feelings. You're asking yourself these questions. Right now you're feeling like a victim. The sooner you can step out of the victim and move into the owner of your life, the owner of your choices, The owner of who you are being right now. And through this transition, the sooner you can move forward. You can work on all kinds of things. You can maybe go take a walk for the first time in your life. You can consider what your true values are. You can set goals. You can create new actions
Start Building a Support Network. You can go find the Who's that need to be in your life right now to support you through this time. The friends, the legal counsel, the coaches, the babysitters, financial planner.
Finding the right experts during the divorce process is crucial to ensuring a smooth transition and securing your future well-being. These professionals bring specialized knowledge and experience that can make a significant difference in the outcome of your case.
A skilled divorce attorney is indispensable. They understand the complexities of divorce law, and their expertise is crucial in navigating legal proceedings, ensuring your rights are protected, and advocating for your best interests. A proficient attorney can also help you negotiate fair settlements, sparing you unnecessary stress and potential financial losses.
In addition to legal counsel, a financial advisor or planner with expertise in divorce matters is invaluable. They can help you understand the long-term financial implications of various settlement options, assist in asset valuation, and provide valuable insights for securing your financial future post-divorce.
Emotional support is equally vital. A therapist or counselor who specializes in divorce can provide invaluable guidance in managing the emotional toll of the process. They offer coping strategies and help you navigate the challenges that often accompany divorce, fostering resilience and a healthy mindset.
In addition to a skilled attorney, a financial advisor, and emotional support, enlisting the assistance of a divorce coach can be transformative. A divorce coach provides personalized guidance, helping you navigate the emotional and logistical challenges of divorce. They offer practical strategies for effective communication with your ex-partner and can assist in setting and achieving post-divorce goals. With their expertise, you gain a trusted ally to lean on throughout the process, offering clarity and empowering you to make decisions aligned with your best interests.
Having a talented team of experts ensures that you have the right resources and guidance at every step. Their collective knowledge not only safeguards your interests but also lays the foundation for a positive post-divorce future, marked by resilience, financial security, and emotional well-being.
You can start to gather the people around you so that you can move forward in this time. It is one step at a time.
Practice Self-Worth and Self-Love. The sooner you can step away from being the victim, regardless of your circumstance, regardless of what has happened. Stop blaming. Stop being the victim and start to take ownership of your one very special, most important, awesome life.
During this difficult transition, it's super important to take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Remember, it's okay to feel sad or angry. Give yourself permission to feel those emotions without judgment. It is all part of the process during this period of change.
Next, make time for things you enjoy. Whether it's reading, taking walks, or doing hobbies, doing things you love helps lift your spirits. Take care of your body. Eat balanced meals, get enough rest, and try to do some light exercise. It helps keep you strong both physically and mentally. Set boundaries. It's okay to say no if something doesn't feel right or if you need time for yourself. Put yourself first.
Consider talking to a therapist, counselor or coach. They're there to help you navigate your feelings and provide guidance during this tough time. And lastly, be patient with yourself. Healing takes time. Celebrate small victories and don't be too hard on yourself if some days are tougher than others.
Remember, you deserve love and care, especially during a divorce. Taking these steps can help you find strength and peace in a difficult situation.
And remember this. You are worthy. You are loved. You are perfect. Just the way that you are. You can follow me on this YouTube channel. Reach out to me. If you're looking to have a conversation, I'd be happy to help you in any way that I can. And until next time. Sending love your way.
And until next time here's to youfirst!