Divorce can be emotionally and financially overwhelming. That's why I'm teaming up with Sunny Wishart, president and founder of A la Carte Financial and a certified financial planner. We will show you how to understand all things money without feeling ashamed, overwhelmed, or embarrassed.
Separating all the assets is emotional, tiring, exhausting, and sometimes complicated. Sunny works with women and men every day transitioning through divorce, and sometimes the division of assets can go on for so long that it's devastating to the family, to the relationship of the parents that have to continue to have a relationship together. It's devastating to individual health, mental health and well-being. So we're going to try to talk to you about how to divide assets, and maybe shed some new light and perspective on how you can move through it a bit quicker.
Division of assets is generally quite a simple concept until there are feelings and emotions involved. You know what you own, you know what you owe during the marital day but there tends to be a lot of stalling. There is always one spouse who won’t make the process easy, whether it is intentional or not. People get stuck and can't move forward because one of the spouses is just slinging at it constantly. At the end of a divorce, no one ever feels like they came out fair. You never feel like you came out on top. Who you are being during this time is important. You're setting an example for your children and for how your relationship with your spouse is going to be moving forward. So where are you going to draw the line and say, “Now I just need to go to sleep at night and finish it?”. You have to stand up for yourself, too, and not give up. But where is that line? What is it you're looking for? What is this going to cost you in legal fees to keep going back and forth on this? And how much is this something that you want or need?
There's no judgment here because this is a very difficult time in your life. What you're doing is understandable, and normal. And if you do not want to make things easy, to separate, or divide assets more easily, there are all kinds of reasons for that.
But a question to ask yourself is how do you want to look back on this transition in your life five years from now? And how are you going to feel proud about the way you handled things?
How can you think about the division of assets maybe more logically? It's not possible to separate the emotion from this conversation, but how can you try to separate the emotion just a little bit and at least see how it might make sense?
It's a good old need versus wants exercise. What do you need? What do you want? And then what are you willing to be flexible on? Having this conversation with yourself and a piece of lined paper and a pen is a good way to start, instead of when you're sitting across the table from your lawyer and your husband's lawyer and your husband.
The division of assets will involve all of the money and it will involve the division of the house. Who stays? Who goes? Do you sell it?
If you're in that stage where your kids are still at home, the biggest question is what's the strategy for that house? You want to keep my kids in the house, and that tends to be the big one. If your kids have settled into their lives, the house is not that big of a deal.
On the flip side, some couples sell the family home. They have children, and, mom goes to live somewhere, dad goes to live somewhere, and kids turn out to be just perfectly awesome. They are adaptable, and it's how you handle things as a parent that matters. What are the stories that you're telling yourself and your kids? Are you saying, “My God, I had to sell the home. This is devastating. This is brutal. It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me.” Or are you saying, “Wow, this is an adventure. We get to find a new place to live. You're going to have two homes now. This is great.” It's not all sunshine and roses and dark clouds and rain, but somewhere in the middle, there's a story that you can tell yourself and your kids that can help your situation. In such a situation it is also important to have the right experts like coaches, accountants, lawyers, etc around you to help you through this process.
I want to let you know that you are worthy, you are loved. You are so important. And I appreciate you being here with me today. And if you need to talk to someone, you can schedule a call with me.
Wendy
xoxo