Are you thinking about the words that you're speaking to yourself? Are you thinking about the words that you're speaking to others? If you take a couple of minutes to pay attention to what you're saying to yourself and the negative comments constantly running through your mind, you’ll realize that they cannot control who you are. You can start by paying attention to your thoughts when you are in a difficult situation, and recognize that what you’re saying is negative and that it is impacting you negatively. Fix this by being kind, and compassionate with whatever they are, and make small changes that will make a huge difference in your life.
Understanding that your words matter is very, very important. This time of divorce and transition is brutal. Never mind thinking about what you're saying, and to who. I know you're sad. I know you're frustrated. I know you're overwhelmed. Whenever you say something mean about your child's other parent, you hurt them. Because a child is half mom and half dad, and a child loves mom and loves dad, equally. And the relationship that they grow and develop and have over time with each parent is for them to decide, not for you.
It may not seem fair sometimes. You may want to say something mean, but it is important that you don't. See, transitioning through divorce is difficult. It's more than just a change. A transition is a psychological and emotional trauma that affects your heart and that of your children. It affects you physically, emotionally, and even financially. So sometimes it's easy just to say what's on your mind and get it out. But, you might want to resist doing that. In fact, you might want to steer clear of saying anything negative about your child’s other parent altogether.
Don't put your kids in the middle like this. Don't make them feel like they have to choose between who they like better, mom or dad, or don't make them choose who they love more or who they can talk to. Don't silence them with the probing questions. Be open, kind, loving. Use your words to let them know that you're there for them and that you love them. That both parents love them and that's all that matters.
This time is challenging for you, but it's also challenging for them. And it's not fair if they have to listen to one of their parents put down the other one. They love and need both of you in their lives, and over time, they will develop their own relationship with each of you on their own terms and in their own time.
Now, if you really must, talk to a friend. A really close friend or a coach. Someone who can help you work through this. If you can slowly work towards only saying nice things about your child’s other parent, you will notice a shift in how you feel about the whole situation. Show your kids that even when a relationship doesn't work out, things can be okay. As a matter of fact, things can be great. As a coach myself, I hope to inspire you to be the best mom that you could possibly be no matter how difficult this time is. That is why I have designed a 9-day mini-course to help you get the clarity you need. Sign up today!
Remember, you are strong, you are capable, and you are not alone.
Wendy
xoxo
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