A third of all marriages end in divorce. Fifty-seven percent of all second marriages end in divorce, and around 73% of all third marriages end in divorce. So, the problem isn't divorce. The problem is that humans, you, me, people, don't learn. The first time around, they don't take the opportunity to learn about themselves, to grow, to figure out where they messed up in the relationship. The problem is that people don't learn their part in all the mess up.
Let's get real about a common issue we face as human beings. The truth is, we often miss the chance to truly learn and evolve from our experiences. It's like we're blind to the opportunity to explore ourselves, to discover our growth potential, and to understand where we stumbled in our relationships. The heart of the matter is that many individuals fail to acknowledge their role in the midst of all the chaos. Let's break free from this pattern and embrace the transformative power of self-reflection and personal accountability.
If you realize that divorce is the best choice for you and your family, maybe you've tried therapy, counseling, coaching programs, you've done it all. You've worked real hard to make things work in your marriage and it just isn't going to work. So divorce is on the table and that's okay.
Let's take a breath and examine the situation before diving headlong into a new romance. It's crucial that you pause and reflect on your part in the demise of the previous relationship. Dedicate yourself to introspection, give it the attention it deserves, and only then venture into the exhilarating journey of a new love affair. Remember, self-awareness paves the road to lasting fulfillment.
I get it. You're alone, you're lonely. You want to have some fun? Finally, for the first time in years, you have a chance to be truly desired. You want to feel alive. You want to put some lipstick on, dress up, fix your hair, go out and have someone listen to you. And then, wow, they want to kiss you. And then, oh, they want to go to bed with you. And this feels so good. You feel, for the first time in so long, that you matter. You're important. You're heard. I get it.
The problem is, if you haven't taken the time to heal from your past relationship, research says, common sense says, you are going to repeat these failures all over again. Without introspection, you're going to bring all that baggage into your next relationship. It's no wonder that a second divorce, a second marriage and a third marriage have a higher chance of ending in divorce because people don't take the necessary time to learn about where they messed up in this past relationship and how we can be better.
You need to take this time to heal. My usual recommendation is to suggest, at least a month, for every year that you were married. You need at least one month to heal. I'm going to say you need a bit longer.
Personally, I took longer. I was married for eight years and I took four years before I decided to go on a date.
And it just turns out I ended up marrying that guy. And he's my second husband, so far, so good. But I took four years to really do some inner work and to realize my part in the demise of my first marriage and how I could have been better and where I failed. And then I learned from that, that was a choice. This is typical of how I work with my clients.
We talk, we have these conversations. Don't get me wrong, I get it. If you have jumped into your next relationship already because you feel so lonely. I understand why. We want to be loved, touched, held, snuggled, cuddled, talked to, heard, listened to. We want that.
Just remember that if you take some time to do this work, then you're going to bring your best selves to the next relationship. If you are honest and faithful in doing this work, you're going to be a better person. You are also going to attract someone who likes all of you. You're going to attract a better person. And then you will find yourself in a relationship where you don't need anything from this other person, but you love everything that they give you.
You don't need them to make you happy, but when they make you happy, it feels great. And you can share your life together with someone in a really fun and kind of wholesome, honest and genuine way.
You are worthy. You are loved. You are important. And you can choose to be happy.
And until next time here's to youfirst!
Wendy
xo