top of page

Considerations For Children

Are you terrified that your children's lives will be ruined during this divorce? I know that I sure was. I know that many of the parents that I work with are.


Do you think that children have rights during the divorce transition?

Yes. Yes. Yes, they do.


When I was first transitioning through divorce myself, a long time ago, 20 years ago almost now, I found a book written by Robert Emery called “The Truth About Children in Divorce”, and he spoke a lot about how to take care of kids during this time.


That spoke to me. In the book, he had a list of rules that parents should follow and the rights of children transitioning through divorce. So, I followed that. Over the years and over the last 20 years of myself transitioning through divorce, researching, studying, and now working with many men and women who are transitioning through divorce as well I've come up with the rights of children transitioning through divorce that I would like to share with you.


I think being terrified right now about ruining your children's lives and worrying about your kids during this time is good and you should be. That means you care. But there are things that you can do to ensure that your kids are going to grow up to be just great.



They're going to grow up to be awesome adults. They're going to love you. They're going to love their other parent and love themselves. They're going to feel okay about things. You're going to give them a wonderful childhood. You can do that if you follow these ten rights.



One:

the right to love both parents and never feel the need to hide that from anyone, to feel unconditional love from both parents without any feelings of guilt or sadness.


Two:

right to speak what is on his or her mind and expect reasonable and fair conversation from both mom and dad. The right to freely express his or her emotions and the right to grieve.


Three:

the right to be protected from either parent's anger, emotional pain, or trauma.


Four:

the right to be protected from hurtful words about either parent. A child has the right to love both parents equally and always.


Five:

the right to be kept out of the middle of all adult conversation. No carrying messages back and forth or feeling the need to ever choose the side.


Six:

the right to enjoy quality, fun time with each parent.


Seven:

the right to know well in advance the most important changes that will affect their life. For example, a parent moving away, a parent remarrying, etc.


Eight:

the right to reasonable financial care during childhood years and into post-secondary school.


Nine:

the right to have a life as close as possible to the life that would have been if the parents stayed married. And finally,


Ten:

the right to be a kid.



This is a tall order to ask any parent and you will mess up. You will not be perfect. And that's okay. But if these rights are important to you and you believe in each and every one of them and you, most of the time think about them, and you most of the time try to live that way, your kids will grow up loving themselves, loving both their parents, able to have wonderful relationships in their life, know that sometimes relationships don't work out the way you expect them to. But that's okay. You can still make it work. You can still make it great. I mean, this is a great way to live.


A child-centered, child-focused divorce is best for the kids. Remember, you are loved. You are worthy. You are important. And you are perfect just the way that you are.


And until next time, here's to you first!

Wendy

xo


bottom of page